I suppose I should start from the beginning…
I started this blog back in 2010 after teaching myself to sew. Sewing was one of the things – among many – I’d told myself I’d never be any good at. I grew up incredibly insecure and terrified of failure. I thought if I struggled with something, it was an indicator of my worth as a person. I didn’t see myself as having any value, so in my mind it made sense that I “wasn’t good at anything,” but then, I had an encounter with Jesus. After 23 years on this earth, I finally understood that I could open up my Bible and read it for myself. I started to understand God’s promises and get a right view of myself, and it gave me a confidence I’d never experienced before.
I began pushing through when I struggled with things. I learned to let go of perfection and started being happy with just being a little bit better than the day before. As my sewing skills improved, I started sharing my projects and more often than not was met with comments like “I wish I could do that,” and they were almost always followed by an explanation of why she “could never do that.” And I get that there are people out there who wouldn’t mind sewing yet have no desire to put in the time and effort (not that that’s a bad thing. It’s just “that would be cool, but it isn’t a priority” type deal), but that wasn’t what was behind the comments I was getting.
At the core of most of the objections I got was a deeply rooted belief that they simply weren’t good enough, and it hit me right in my core, so this blog was born out of the idea that I could encourage those women who felt like I did. Who believed that the reason they failed was because of some defect within them. I wanted to share my journey, encourage them to try and then try some more, and basically just let them know they weren’t alone. That someone else had felt that way too. I wanted to point them toward Jesus through sewing…which I guess seems a little silly, but I really believed I could. And for a good long while, I did.
But then I started listening to the world. The “experts.”
Suddenly, I needed a “niche.”
I couldn’t just be me. I had to be a “brand.” That didn’t sit well with me, so I ran. I wish I could say it was to where I should have, but it was so, so far off. Yet somehow I’m still here. I truly believe it’s only because of His grace and mercy. His never-ending, overwhelming, reckless pursuit that is only obvious now in hindsight.
I’m not worthy.
But I guess that’s sort of the point of having a Savior. If I could earn this grace, then why would I need Him?
There’s nothing special about me other than I want to serve Him. I seem to have a knack for words and a heart for women…so here we are. Almost 9 years later.
I’m not sure what God has in mind for this blog, but He has certainly taken me back to the original heart behind this blog:
Growing in Grace.
Grace for myself and grace for others.
I wish I could say I took the easy route all those years ago when He was nudging me to stay the course. Unfortunately, I tried to forge my own path and ended up unbelievably lost, but thank God, even when we lose ourselves, He never does.
I’m not sure exactly what I’ll write about. Probably homeschooling. Health + fitness. Maybe a little bit of fashion and makeup. Hiking and travel. Who knows? What I do know is that everyday, I am learning to grow in the grace Jesus died for me to have. It’s not always easy, but that is my ultimate goal.
And I hope I can encourage a few other ladies to do the same along the way.